Sweetest Ambrosia

Today is the birthday of my "Sweetest Ambrosia." That was my family's nickname for her. She didn't like it very much, but she put up with it because that's what you do when you love people.

It's been almost 2 years that she's been gone and I still think about her and her wonderful example each day.  Now, however, it's usually because I'm laughing at some memory or some crazy thing we did and less because I don't know how to move on without her because I learned that I don't really have to. She will always be a part of me. 

You see, last time I was home, I found myself going to speak with her at her graveside, as I do each time I go home. This time was different though. What started out as my usual tears of sadness quickly turned into tears of joy.

There was so much I wanted to tell her about my life that she had missed out on sharing with me - boys, a new job, hopes for the future, new experiences, etc. I was used to sharing everything with my best friend and I hated not having her a phone call away. And that's when I realized that just because she wasn't necessarily here with me anymore for this moment she was still living my life with me and a major part of my life.

In the past year and a half so much of who I have become is in large part because she passed away, which in large part continues to make her a significant part of my life.

I've always worked out and danced growing up, but I've never been a runner. I've never had an interest, nor did I think I would be very good at it.  This past year, I knew I needed to pick up a hobby that cleared my mind. Something that made me focus so hard that I forgot about things that hurt me.  So, I started to run.  On March 24, 2011, the day before my 25th birthday, I ran my first half-marathon. NEVER in my life did I think I would do something that. I ran it because of her. Once again she was still a large part of my life.

There have been other aspects of my character that she has also helped shape over this past year, although I won't get it into them right now.  Suffice it to say she has helped me to become braver and to remember that we will feel pain at times, but that pain can heal through the love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. That we are capable of overcoming things we never imagined we would be capable of.  That makes me braver.  And so, she is still a very real, influential part of me.

She has helped me to remember to express my love for my family and friends more fully and to forgive them and serve them more quickly...although I have a lot of work to go.

This post may be more for me than anyone else who may read it. It may seem strange to some to write about something so personal and yet, here I am writing.

Why? Because I think that we learn from each other and from the experiences of others and so...I share my story.  I know I'm not the only one who has ever had something difficult happen in their life. We all have. So, how do we deal with these things? For me, it was the strength of my faith, the amazing people in my life, and honoring her name. I write this because I feel like it allows her example and the impact she had on many people to be remembered and carried on.


Amber had this drive that showed in everything she did from playing volleyball to receiving her Master's degree. She could walk into a room and make friends with anyone there because of her friendly, bubbly personality. She cared about her friends and family and was constantly doing heartfelt things for them. Whether it was making a blanket for me with all our inside jokes on it, or staying up for 24 hours straight to help me write my final 60 page paper for college, she took the time to really understand, care for and love her friends. I want to cultivate more of those traits in my life.

Looking back, I am overwhelmed by the number of people and opportunities I have had that have helped me realize that life is difficult, but we can work through the difficult things together to become stronger. Thank you. All of you.  Friends, Family, and Strangers. I am thankful for each of you and the part you play in my life.

As for Amber, here's to all our memories: T&T runs at Midnight * Driving around blasting rap music with your subwoofers * Toilet papering houses in high school...and maybe once more after that * My 21st birthday in NYC * graduation dinners* Skiing in Snowmass * The Miley Cyrus Concert * Sundance Film Festival * Celeb stalking* The "Seven Peaks-a-boob" incident * Mamma Mia * Graduation trip to NYC * Rosa's lunches * Sonic runs * Laying out poolside * hot-tubbing * Summer of '08 * Freedom * Mixed CD's * volleyball games * "drive-by's" * Christmas Tradeshows * Bunco *  Dominos and Phase 10 gamenights * dances * and so much more.