Thursday, May 16, 2013

Suddenly, I feel old.

Suddenly, I feel old. And no, it's not because I'm 27 and hurt my back posing as Beyonce, it's because makes me feel old.

Especially when they post articles entitled 43 Things That Will Make You Feel Old

I read this article and was SHOCKED. Seriously?! 

JTT is over 30?!?!?! 

I swear. In my head, all childhood actors stay the exact same age as they were when I was little and swooning over every picture of them in Teen Beat, Teen Bop, Teen People, J-14, etc, etc. You name the magazine, I probably owned every issue (which looking back is probably unhealthy considering most of those bad boys came out weekly). 

Anyway, everybody knows childhood actors never age.  And if they happen to be one of the few that do...well...they usually don't age well.

In my state of shock and surprise upon reading buzzfeed's allegation that this childhood hearthrob was over 30 I turned to the most trusted source I know for confirmation...Wikipedia.

And guys, here's what I found out...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

1. He's turning 32 this year. I don't understand how this is possible.

2. He's been lying to us his whole life. He's no JTT. He was born Jonathan Taylor Weiss.  JTW does NOT have the same ring to it, but that is how I will refer to him now because it's his true identity.

3. He's bloody brilliant. Guys, he went to Harvard and then completed his degree at Columbia. Not just a pretty face.

4. He's a vegetarian. Which is pretty unfortunate because I don't really trust vegetarians. I mean, come on, how can you trust someone who doesn't eat meat?  I have a couple of exceptions to that know who you are...

But perhaps the most important fact about JTW that's not listed in Wikipedia is this....

He's the reason for my first and only fist fight.

Ok, before I proceed, this needs to be a judge-free zone.  It was right before middle school (which started in 6th grade for me) and we all know that middle school is rough. If you can survive those few years I'm convinced you can survive anything. And I mean, ANYTHING.  Unless of course your middle school experience rocked, in which case, we have nothing in common.

Middle school was just awkward. It has all of the workings of a good horror film. Everyone's hormones are out of whack and it makes us all do stupid things and creates a lot of aggression in boys. 

My early middle school years really hit their peak during the Lion King era. I already loved JTW and the fact that he was the voice of Simba...well...double love.  Courtesy of my step-mom, my room at my dad's house may have been decked out in Lion King theme during this phase. Remember you're not allowed to judge - we already established this was a judge-free zone. 

So my room was decked in Lion King and my school locker was decked out in JTW. There was a girl at school who didn't particularly like me, but we were still friends (typical middle school vibe going on here).  She thought she could have my fave JTW picture hanging in my locker just because she wanted it.  So one day, during PE, she stole it from me. I didn't discover it was missing until after gym class. Well, the little sneak was not so sneaky because she'd hung it up in her locker IN PLAIN SIGHT so I knew she was the culprit.

Naturally, I grabbed it out of her locker in an attempt to reclaim what was rightfully mine.  And that's when she hit me.  

She straight up HIT ME. Full fist and all. And then TORE UP MY one-of-a-kind TEEN BEAT POSTER. 


I know. Neither could I.

I obviously had to hit her back. 

We got a phew blows in before the gym teacher could stop us. It was traumatizing to say the least. I didn't know I had it in me.  I guess it just take the right type of provoking, such as ripping up my JTW poster, to get me riled up. 

bottom line. I think Wikipedia needs to add this to their stats to ensure all their information is entirely accurate.


Milk {and age} does a body good.

1 comment:

rachel said...

First of all - I'm kind of jealous that you have been in a physical altercation. I have a weird desire to be punched/slapped an you know me well enough to know how much I want to give it right back.

Secondly - you're hilarious. Write books, girlfriend!